emil-ayy's blog .

Morals are gone; rebellion is the new pink.

heyimemilyyy — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 03:56:01 +0000

When you write, what inner persona are you trying to find?

I am who I am; who I always have been, and who I always will be.

I certainly learn new things about myself on a daily basis, but I’m not changing overnight.

Recently, I’ve had so much to think about, that my brain has illuminated the “No” on its vacancy sign.

I’m so happy to be finished with my sophomore year.

If that relationship was only seven months, and all of this happened, imagine when I graduate in two years.

I love life, and I’m so excited to live it. I’m just afraid that I’ll forget that I’m living it while waiting for things to happen.

It’s no secret…

heyimemilyyy — Tue, 11 May 2010 23:58:57 +0000

I’m happy.

I’m finding myself and my passions through a guess and check process.

No, it does not always end ideally, however it does always end with me a stronger person.

Do to have the time? Just to run my mind, I love how you can make me think. All these emotions I shell out for you, I might as well throw in the kitchen sink.

I’m short. Colorguard is harder that way.

Secrets Number Three

heyimemilyyy — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 18:54:37 +0000

In a course of ten days, I left my boyfriend, lost 9 pounds, moved on, got into a car accident, picked up loose ends with old friends, fell through, went back to him, was awarded with a sabre solo, created enemies, and achieved happiness that I haven’t experienced in 5 months.

My mother still struggles with an alcohol addiction; she doesn’t go to work because of it sometimes.

Cpex Winterguard has saved me from being suicidal on more than one occasion.

Lillian Hurley is the best person in the world, literally.

Secrets Number Two.

heyimemilyyy — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 19:51:26 +0000

I’ve suffered periodically from bulimia on and off for over a year; I can’t escape it.

I have a terrible boyfriend who makes me feel like an annoyance, but I can’t leave him.

My dogs mean more to me than anyone else in the world.

I sometimes dream of being on stage.

Going to the Kennedy Center was the most extraordinary thing I’ve ever done.

I tell people that I haven’t cried since I was young, yet I do it everyday.

Secret number one.

heyimemilyyy — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 18:57:35 +0000

I wish I was a ballet dancer.

My mother’s addiction to alcohol has led me into a great depression.

I block every unfortunate event of life out of my head.

I’m too serious for my own good.

I’m completely interested in the arts and political science, but people don’t take me seriously when I say that. I tell everyone I am best at science, but I’m failing.

My relationship is crumbling under my feet because I tend to be bipolar.

I can’t trust any of my best friends. I’d much rather trust a complete stranger.

Even if I was Helen Keller…

heyimemilyyy — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 23:56:10 +0000

I’ve seen a lot in life:

The sweet, sour, exciting, & apathetic.

I have seen love: the sweet in life.

I remember the passion

That my friends & family have shown me.

The one time in middle school,

Death was no match for the support

I have seen from my friends.

I have seen the sour: yes, there was hate.

I still feel the stinging words.

Though not said to me, I felt my

Mother’s pain that she underwent.

The hardest thing in marriage is the end.

I have seen that it affects everyone.

I have seen the anticipation: excitement wasn’t far.

Although it touches my nerves,

Competing is the best thrill of a lifetime.

Adrenaline coursing through my veins,

My squad and I all have the itching potential to scream.

I have seen the climax of the wait.

I have seen the apathy: the absence of all.

It sucks emotions away like a vacuum.

The everyday walking into school

Seems no different from the one before

It is not until the end in which

We will all see our lives molded from that in which we do subconsciously.

The Miracles We Dare to Ignore

heyimemilyyy — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 19:49:59 +0000

A blank sheet in front of me,

There are a million things I see:

Two men taking off in flight,

A little girl learning how to fly kites

One saying “Hi!” to those missed,

Two teens pursuing in their first kiss

Mother’s dreams all coming true,

Twenty wishes given unto you

Sweet gestures from dear cupid,

Bullies say “Sorry.” to’ve said “Stupid!”

All these happen before me,

What an enchanted world I do see.

“You can have all you ever wanted.” “I know: but I don’t want it – No – I can’t want it anymore.”

heyimemilyyy — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 22:10:13 +0000

I’m slowly slipping,

maybe falling- but that’s overrated-

into a coma.

This one, though, happens to bring me

into love with you.

How fast can it go?

Please just don’t slow.

We have nothing to wait for

except the rest of our lives.

Total Knockouts never deserve another chance.

heyimemilyyy — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 19:48:32 +0000

don’t be so
melodramatic baby
i’ve learned my lesson this time

i don’t want you
back now that we’re all done so
why don’t you find something to do

with your life
with your life
with your life
just get out
of
mine

We Come Across as Frail?

heyimemilyyy — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 20:00:01 +0000

Who would’ve thought.

That I’d end up like this:

a jealous wreck.

Is that really who I am? That nasty of a person?

Or am I too hard on myself?

Question marks tend to go unanswered and forgotten constantly in my life.

After analyzing every flaw in my fucking life,

and thinking about how I can change it for the better- for the future,

I realize:

How lucky are we all?

Just to be blessed with life itself?

Once again, these interrogatives will be left isolated;

however, the fact that one beat out millions, just to survive,

makes me cringe at the thought of suicide.

Someone always has it worse than you.

Don’t complain.